I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
