when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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