I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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