what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
