Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
