I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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