is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
