It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
