everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
