I feel great
I just peed on a car
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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