my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
