Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
