Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
