what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
