I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
