Soap is not a condiment
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
