I cockslap morals
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
