# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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