is your mom at the bar?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
