In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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