i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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