Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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