Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
