SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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