Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
