even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
