pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize
