I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
