I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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