the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
