i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
