I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
