Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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