Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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