remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
