Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
