I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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