I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
