I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
40s are totally the cure
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
