Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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