my sisters under your porch take her home
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
