It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
