i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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