peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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