To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
