Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need a beard to bite.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
