You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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