What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
3pm strippers are depressing
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
