I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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