apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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