the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
