Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
