by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
