weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
