Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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