in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
