Define "chronic" masturbator.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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