Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
