you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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