i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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