Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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